A Darker Day

     Normally the rain gets my mood rising.  It makes me all calm and content.  For some reason it’s having the opposite effect today.  Or maybe it’s just the crash of a Holiday high.  I woke up today very depressed.  Sometimes it just feels like my world crashes around me.  Like nothing ever works out for the best.  At least not in my world. 

     I lost the apartment to another girl in Jerusalem.  It is very depressing, especially since I get a Purim night phone call from Kobi’s brother telling me once I get back to Be’er Sheva, I need to pack up almost all of my possessions and put them in storage since there is really no room for me in the new apartment.  WTF!?!  Yet another reason I desperately need to get out.  That’s after the fact that I’m divorcing this woman’s son and I am still living in her house. 

     Then there is Purim, something I was really looking forward to.  Well, the likelihood of a fun night is pretty much shot since it has been raining here for four days straight.  I was supposed to go as an 80’s style Madonna.  No, no, not the cone bra Madonna, the tights, mini skirt, and a loose T-shirt with crazy curly hair Madonna.  I helped Rivka with her costume too.  She’s Alex (Jennifer Bieals) from Flashdance.  Her outfit is really great too.  Now we may not get to use them.  Either way… Damn do I need a beer!

     I have to admit that all of this stuff going on with me is starting to weight on me.  I know how I tend to react to a crumbling future… Just ask my college friends.   I see Alcoholic Amy making a pathetic comeback.  I doubt I would let things get that bad again but the worry is still there.  My friend told me last night that she admired me and my strength because if it was her she could never handle what I’ve been handling with such confidence and positivity.  Little does she know that I am two feet from breaking down inside.  I am lucky she is such a good friend and I have her around to stop me from cracking.

     I am trying to move on but this is HARD.  I am trying to make a life from scratch with no support, no money, and no local connections to help me move ahead.  Imagine everything you have and everything you have ever known has been pulled away from you and now you have to try to make it all on your own.  Oh an did I mention everyone speaks Swahili?  Life would be a borderline nightmare for you.

     Welcome to my world.  I cannot go backwards and I am struggling just to put one foot forward.  I wish I was stronger.  I wish I could hate the people who led me here because at least the anger would keep me motivated.  I can’t.  I hate that they took everything from me… even my anger.

     As the Grusian (Georgian) saying goes… The sun is crying today, and so am I.

Purim

Purim… Last year was an oddity. This year… an experience. Aside from the fact that I dropped my iPhone and shattered the glass screen. Luckily I didn’t break the LCD screen. After Shabbat on Saturday I went with Rivka and her family to the synagogue to hear the Migillah (the Story of Ester). After the services I went down to the lobby and during an attempt to take a few photos… Crack. Apparently marble floors are bad for phones. Oops, who knew. The first night of Purim was slow. Just the synagogue services and a trip back to Jerusalem, but Sunday night was a little different.

After spending all night working on my Madonna costume and having a light dinner with friends we set out. First was a small and tightly packed bar with Rivka, and several of her friends from work. It was fun until Rivka decided she wanted to go home early. She insisted that I stay and enjoy my night with Gal and some of the other girls. So I did. I met some weird kids who followed me around like puppy dogs for a while and then Gal and I left to go to another bar… Shoshana.

Shoshana was a reminder that I am not 18 anymore. I danced with friends for a while, had a few shots of Vodka, had Arrack (a licorice type of clear liquor that I hate BTW) poured all over me. Literally all over my shirt. Apparently the bartender can’t pour a bottle shot to save his life. Later in the evening I found myself dancing on the bar with Gal. Again, flashback… remember Chris… lol

The evening ended earlier than I would have liked but I still had fun. I guess that was the important part… to experience, document, and have fun. Here’s to hoping next year will surpass the last. Never know… maybe next year we’ll go crazy in Tel Aviv!

Traditional Shabbat

GeoTagged, [N31.78903, W35.21025]

On my way behind the green line for Shabbat. Since I will be joining Rivka's family for the night and they keep Shabbat, I will not be able to blog while I am there. So I thought I would write a little bit on the way. This is my third time in the West Bank. I love it here. There are mountain villages and miles of beautiful lush green landscape. I know how worried everyone gets when I come here but it really is very safe. The Jewish villages are miltary guarded and separated from the larger Arabic communities. One odd and unique fact I learned in my past trips... The Arabic and Jewish villages use different colored lights. I know it sounds weird but it's true. The Arabic villages use halogin looking white lights and the Jewish villages use yellowish colored ones. Talk about profiling huh? That type of thing would never happen in America. But it keeps the people here a little safer so I'm ok with it.

I am excited to see where Rivka grew up. I will try to make a blog about it after Shabbat and maybe add a few more photos.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Purim!

The Dating Difference

     I have to mention this… Dating in Israel.  I have recently had the need to start dating again after a very long sabbatical.  Now I don’t pretend I’m a supermodel, the world knows I’m not.  I also do not think that I am the greatest gift to single men, but I do know quite a lot about dating and single men…  Years of practice and failure. ;)  Here in Israel however, things are… well…  It certainly explains my past relationships with Israelis. 

     In America if I liked a guy or wanted him to talk to me I would give him the sexy eye.  I know the Ladies know what I’m talking about.  The look you give a guy that says “Yeah, I’m looking, and I like what I see.  Come say Hi if your interested.”  And that look works almost every time.  NOT IN ISRAEL!  Here when you give a guy the sexy eye, sometimes he smiles back.  When he does that is a good response.  Usually I get a look and then nothing.  When I get the smile, it usually goes… Smile, turn and ignore. 

     This, as you can imagine has been incredibly annoying.  No wonder these people wait until they are almost 30 to get married… they don’t have the guts to talk to a girl.  So…  I really don’t understand how it works.  Is there a secret code they teach you in the Army that I missed out on?  Seriously, it’s THAT bad.  I’m trying to learn how things work here.  The men are not aggressive at all which is shocking considering the women are ALWAYS decked out in their best clothes when they leave the house.

     I realize that for all intensive purposes I am American and the men in America and forever being seen as the rough and tumble cowboy type.  But still… Some European countries have a reputation for aggressive men too.  So what’s Israel’s malfunction?  My theory… This country has a hard time just surviving.  The people here have developed a hard shell.  It is in their nature to be aggressive and distant until they get to know you.  If women in the U.S. were as aggressive as the ladies here… the men in America might be castrated by fear.

     So I will continue to put myself out there like fish bait and hope I get a bite.  I’ll keep you posted!

Size Conversion

I am finally begining to learn the metric conversions here. It is funny how size relates across the world. I am dieting for instance and it's nice because my weight is a smaller number in metric. lol. And for a woman and her weight... The smaller the number the better!
The size conversion relates elsewhere too. The men here are typically very short and the women are often taller than the men. The vegitation here is oddly misproportioned too. They have the most beautiful roses here and they grow to the size of an American grapefruit which here, grows to about the size of your head. Now that's what I call a breakfast food.
It is so interesting to see how food, time, people, everything here differs from back home. This country truely holds warm in my heart. Dispite occassionally having my issues with it, this place makes me never want to go home.

I'll try to post a picture of the gargantuan roses.

P.S. I'm in the holy city for the week so look for a Jerusalem post and lots of fun pictures.

At Least It Keeps Me Busy

So my sister FINALLY opened her salon at her house. She got a sink, wax machine, hair dryer, towel warmer. It all looks so great and soon she is going to paint! I am so excited and wish desperately I was there to help her. I did however, get to make her a Facebook Fan Page which was fun.

I haven’t had a lot to do lately so it was nice to have something to focus on. I hope I can work on a website, but I am holding off to see how well things go with her Salon and fan page.

Feel free to become a fan, the more the better!

Errands Today

     I spent another night without sleep.  It sucks but I’m making it work.  If I can stay up until at least 8pm I might get myself back onto a normal schedule.  I went to the bakery this morning and got myself some cheese and pizza bourekas.  Then I went down to the Veggie Market and bought some zucchini and carrots.  The veggies here are so yummy. 

     Today my tasks are to ship some stuff to my sister for her birthday and get my iPhone fixed.  I need to get a box to put the stuff in.  I am shipping her some cute boots and warm and fuzzy slippers for her birthday.  I am also sending her some dead sea mud for her new salon. 

     As for my iPhone… I hope I can get it fixed.  After it’s fixed I’ve got to get more minutes.  Its going to be an expensive day.  Oh and did I mention I have no money and my paycheck is late.  Oh Boy!

Restless & Stressed

It has been another sleepless night. I know it's a combination of things: stress, awful matress (or better termed futon with a disability), tv, Grey's Anatomy, Farmville, Facebook, and of course the crumbling state of my marriage and the prospect of dating all the toolbags around here. But it's wearing on me or my sanity that is. I feel like I never see daylight unless it's daybreak and I'm closing the shutters to escape it. I need to see a sleep specialist. The immidiate threat is that I'm not getting any of my paperwork done because I can't manage to wake up during business hours. Not to mention my 2am workouts are attracting unwanted attention. I think I need to take a trip up north again to see my friends.

I'll keep you posted on what happens next. Hope I get a bit more consistant with this whole blogging thing.

Oh BTW I started a new crochet project. I hope it gets finished.

Aliyah

So in case you haven't heard... I've decided to stay in israel until further notice. Which means I need to make Aliyah. There is some paperwork necesary to do this so that is what I have been working on. Working isn't the best word as I haven't done much in the way of work. I don't know if I've just been so tired lately and having difficulty sleeping or if I am avoiding doing the paperwork. I think a bit of both. I'm pretty sure I have a thyroid condition. My mom has it and it's heretitary not to mention I have every symptom of the illness.
It causes fatigue, over sleeping, and rapid weight gain. Those are three of my most prodominent symptoms but I can't get it checked out until I finish making Aliyah. Talk about your double edged sword. I am still waiting to get paid from that job I did last month. I need the cash so I can send my little sister her birthday gift. Here's to hoping I get it soon.

Cheers!