Mistakes of the Past Have a Way of Finding Us.

     You’ll have to forgive the vagueness of this post.  Occasionally I feel like I have to write, vent really and as much as I need to vent… there are some things that the public need not know in detail.

     I have begun to fall back in to old and terribly destructive habits.  I know I have an addictive personality.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out when you have impulse control issues.  I have worked so very hard to control what, in the past has controlled me.  Lately I have failed miserably. 

     I have made decisions that affect me on an emotionally unstable level.  I thought those things were behind me, that I have grown up and moved on.  I am still the same scared little girl I always was. 

     The main issue that I am referring to has me going out of my mind over thinking everything.  How can I be ashamed of myself and pleased with myself in the same moment.  I know I’ve ruined a potentially good thing by my actions, but I can’t bring myself to regret what I did.  I enjoyed myself, and for a moment, maybe the first moment in such a long time… I was happy.