One Is The Loneliest Number

     I have never felt more completely alone than I have over the last two days.  As those who follow me on Twitter and Facebook may or may not be aware… I have been horribly sick for the last week or so.  I was dangerously close to hospitalization over the last two days.

     I have had a sore throat and headaches for about a week now.  On Monday, while at work, spots started appearing on my skin.  I was convinced I had caught Chickenpox.  Now, I’m not so sure.  I stayed home Tuesday from work to get Medical advice about the spots (which appear to be going away, BTW).  I wasn’t feeling all that great Wednesday morning so I stayed home from work again.  Good thing I did.  At about 11am I started to feel nauseous and was unable to move very far.  Throughout the day my fever raged on higher and higher.  I became slightly delirious and my head was racing with thoughts that prevented me from sleeping any of it off. 

     Sometime during the last two days, on one of my many trips to the bathroom my roommate offered me some water.  Aside from that, my human contact was limited.  My Mom really has no way to contact me except through Facebook (of which she did not say one word of worry) and my Ex could care less about my well being anymore.  So despite my pleading for help from friends via my social output, I did not receive a single phone call or visitor. 

    All I wanted was for someone to check on me and/or take me to the hospital.  But since I had 0 minutes on my phone, and no one within an hour drive of me thought I was important enough to worry about, I laid in my bed, sweating out a VERY painful fever.  At about 10pm Wednesday night the fever finally began to break and I was able to fall asleep.  I slept through the entire day today.  I seriously woke up at about 6pm after a few false alarms.  I woke up CRAVING pizza.  And since I hadn’t eaten in 2 days I thought I would treat myself.  One large Pineapple pizza with extra sauce on the side please!

     Life here has been really difficult.  Especially with the looming divorce.  But I never realized how alone I really was until this incident.  I realized I have no truly dear friends (friends like Ms. Ames back home) who would stick with me and help me mend myself.  I have no family here, of that I have been made VERY clear, and I am completely loveless, without even a concerned boyfriend to make my heart feel less empty.  I have nothing and no one.  Which has made this experience, hands down, one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do on my own.

     It is with great sadness in my heart that I go about my day tomorrow.  It is with depression and girlyness that I spend tonight eating pizza and watching Gossip Girl alone in my room.

All for now my dears,

A