Proud of an Israeli Soldier I Never Knew

     It is the Jewish Press' 25th Anniversary here in Tampa and as I read an article in the paper I began to cry.
The article was about a Tampa Bay "Solidarity" mission to Israel during the Gulf War.  The Tampa mission was the ONLY group to go to and remain in Israel throughout the Scud missile attacks.  The part that made me tear up was when they told of a terrifying moment in their trip.  The 12 American Jews from Tampa, were seated at dinner.  The alarm of an impending missile strike went off and they were forced to abandon their meal and seek refuge at the highest point of the building (to avoid nerve gas).  They all donned their gas masks with one exception.  There was a very young girl, not much older than 18.    She was a soldier in the IDF.  She did not have a gas mask.  Many in the room offered their masks to her.  She refused, choosing instead to potentially offer up her own life to spare the lives of civillians.
     To me THIS IS Israel, Israelis, and every IDF soldier.  To me... THIS is what they stand for.  This is the mentality of the people there.  They would sacrifice anything to spare an innocent life, even if it meant offering up their own instead.  This is what I saw when I lived among them.  These people are kind, and incredibly giving.  They would give you anything they could if you were in need.  I love that about these people.
    Israel, and her people, give hope to the meaning of humanity, chivalry, courage.  They are a people to be truly proud of.  And as I do hold an Israeli citizenship... I am VERY proud to count myself as one among them.
     I may have only been a child of 6, not even an American citizen yet, when this soldier made such a brave choice; but her heart means as much to me now as it did for those 12 American souls in that room in the heart of the Gulf War Crisis.

Happy 25th Anniversary to the Jewish Press here in Tampa!  And thank you for sharing such a touching story.  It was a reminder of the good people I left behind in the land I call my home.

Random Writings, Short Story

Working Title: Destinies Collided

 

He strolled over as though he owned the entire park.  The confidence of a man much older than his years.  His dark handsome features and striking good looks were not lost on her.  She found herself smiling just a little.  She wondered if it was out of cheerful delight or mild shock.  After all, men like him don’t associate with girls like her.

Not that she was of ill character of course.  She, of average height, blonde hair, green eyes, and a beautiful smile, was actually of quite a resonable character.  She was kind, compassionate, generous, but also firey, a passion for the things and people she cared for that was unmatched by those around her.

No, no, her character was not the problem.  What was clear, however was that they came from two very different worlds.  He the learned scholar, son of an Ivy League man.  Her, the product of a middle class upbringing and the respectable but average education that went with it.  Yes, that was it… it must have been a smile of shock.  But he was so very nice to look at.

As if to confirm her conclusion, he spoke to her, and with shock she smiled again.  They discussed the basics of course, where they both were from, what they had studied, how long they had lived in the area.  With each common answer they found themselves connecting.  She saw something interesting in him.  Something different than other men with his background.

They were enjoying their conversation so much, the young man didn’t even notice when his friends left him behind.  The next thing they knew they were having drinks and playing darts at the bar down the street.  She was enjoying his company immensely and the conversation never let up. 

The had been sitting at the bar, just talking for the better part of an hour.  She just couldn’t stop staring at him.  The chemistry was overwhelming.  She’d never seen such fire in a man like him before.  She was itching to know where it came from.

They continued to talk endlessly about everything, business, politics, religion, football.  She relentlessly teased him about his stuffy lifestyle and how he didn’t fit in with the others at all.  it was at one of these moments he shocked her again.

She was going on about how men of his status couldn’t be bothered with romance, or heat and how most men of his ilk couldn’t even kiss properly.  Before she knew what was happening, this tall, sexy stranger took her face in his hand, looked into her eyes and kissed her.

She thought to herself that she must be dreaming.  He was warm, strong, but not aggressive, and all she could see were flames.  Who was this man, kissing her like nothing else in the world mattered in that moment?  Who was this man?

 

***OK It’s late… To Be Continued

A Poem/Song for My Mom

I miss you in the morning, when my heart wakes up alone.

I miss you in the evening, cause this cold room just don’t feel like home, I miss you.

And it’s all that I can do, I’m just callin’ to say I miss you.

The sun is hot the sky is blue but my heart feels cold, I’m without you.

I sit and have a coffee, I think of things and times that past.

Memories that just don’t fade, last year seems so far away.

How did we get here I can’t tell.  Life jumped up, I tripped and fell.

When I stood my world was gone.  I’m left alone but life moves on.

I’m a little lost, my heart is pained.  My spirit’s here but my soul is drained cause I miss you.

And it’s all that I can do, I’m just callin’ to tell you that I miss you too…

I Feel Like Worthless Trash

This guy sent me a text message today asking me if I wanted to go to eat something with him.  I thought, maybe… why not.   I asked him what he had in mind.  His response: “a little to eat, a little sex.”

Wow, Is this really how people see me?  A trashy little piece of ass they can just call up or text for a quicky?  I fee like garbage.  These men make me feel like I am worthless with nothing to offer anyone except a roll in the sack. 

I haven’t  thought so little of myself in a very long time.  My heart is aching.  It’s bad enough I have been feeling so very lonely without my family and friends, but now, I’m beginning to see myself as these men see me.  No better than the local whore.

 

On a less perverse note… but only slightly less perverse.

The Gay Pride Parade is today.  And it’s being held in Jerusalem!  Seriously.  I was shocked, and also wondering how big the protest by the Haradim would be.  I wonder if the parade is anything like it is in the US?  Those guys get wild, and oh so colorful. 

At least there is something for me to smile and/or laugh about today.

Sorry For The Tone

     Sorry I can’t be more upbeat since this is the first time I’ve written in weeks.  But I’m feeling quite down today.  I was up all night last night (despite being exhausted) with an earache and a book I just couldn’t stop reading.  Today I am feeling the after effects.  I woke up at 4:30pm because my friend called me.  She had the day off and wanted to get together. 

     She changed her mind when she heard I was just waking up.  Too bad too, because I really needed the companionship today.  Now I know I’m about a week from the ‘ladies time’ of the month and so crying is inevitable around this time but still.  I’ve been in tears all day.  Everything seems to get me going today.

     My internet (the one I pay out the ass for, the one that supposedly works everywhere) has been super slow for over a month now and has been giving me non-stop problems.  I can’t download this movie I really want to see, I have no idea where the movie theater is or how to get there, and there isn’t anyone to see it with me even if I COULD find the place.  I’ve been slacking with my work writing and I can’t seem to keep focused.

     I’ve been so home-sick lately.  Missing my family and my baby girl is killing me.  It has been the main source of my tears today.  I love Israel.  I love being here, living here, making it my home.  But I am so VERY lonely.  I haven’t seen my family in a year, I don’t have any consistent friends here, my EX only calls me to harass me about the divorce papers (which I can neither afford to get notarized nor can I find someone to do it) and I haven’t been able to get a hang of how dating works here.

     Some of my readers know about the dark things in my past.  Some do not.  For those who understand, it has been very hard for me here.  I am by nature an emotional “relationship” kind of girl.  I don’t do casual.  Every “encounter” I have, means something to me.  Here, if there ARE actual men who prefer relationships, they don’t prefer me.  I am, without a doubt, a scumbag magnet!

     Even the guys who seem so sweet and caring are really douchebags.  Like the “religious” guys, who would NEVER bring shame to their  families by marrying a girl like me but have no problem shtooping me in private.  Or the “nice” guy who treats me with respect, doesn’t try anything with me because he likes me. He doesn’t want to “rush” into a relationship because he wants to get to know me first…. Until his male instincts take over and then the only thing we do when we spend time together is… well you get the point.  Of course I’m forgetting the Jerk who acts like an amazing, kind, caring guy.  He treats me like I’m important and he’s proud to be out with me… Until I find out he has a girlfriend who is “studying abroad” at the moment.

     It’s a fundamental problem for me because I know who the good, kind, caring men are.  The ones who really want to settle down with a wife and kids.  They are religious guys.  The ones who go on Shidduch dates, the ones who NEVER speak to me, even when I look all religious.  But there is the fundamental problem.  I cannot go on a Shidduch date (even though I’m curious to try it) because I haven’t finished the conversion yet.  Even when its finished… the fact that I come from a secular family and I was married to an Israeli once before won’t help my cause. 

     I often find myself lying to people here, or rather not telling them the whole truth.  It’s the only way to survive without being a complete outcast.  If people knew my mom wasn’t Jewish… I would not be allowed to go to Shabbat dinners, or live with religious people.  I would be chastised for keeping shabbat, religious people and even some regular (non-religious) Israelis wouldn’t speak to me.  Most guys wouldn’t date me.  It would just be a very hard and lonely life for me.

     I really want either a VERY attentive boyfriend, or to just be left alone and stop being used and abused and bothered by all these disrespectful men who don’t really care about me.  If they don’t care, why can’t they just leave me alone.

I Got Delayed

     Sorry I have been M.I.A.  My new job doesn’t leave me much room for personal writing.  Plus so much has happened… Like I got my Israeli Citizenship!  WOO HOO!

So I will be writing another blog to update everyone on what’s been happening but I wanted to let you know that I got a taste of Israeli bureaucracy today when I was informed for the first time that one office that I already met with was supposed to give me a document in order to be seen by another office in order for the first office to process my benefits.  Did you get all that?  Yeah… I almost didn’t either.  But I’m nothing if not thorough so I’m off to the Misrad HaPanim (the government and citizenship office, like the DMV) to get my Passport entries and exits so I can be seen next Sunday by the Misrad HaKlitah (new immigrant office) to get some information on my benefits, be processed for those benefits and get another paper that I have to take to my bank, the post office (to sign up for healthcare oddly enough), and several other places.

Whew…. Being a new citizen is a full time job all on its own.  I hope my other jobs don’t fire me.  Soooo much on my head at the moment.  Not to mention that I have family in town AND my friend from Tel Aviv came to stay with me at the worst possible time for a week long vacation in which I was the personal tour guide.

This Aliyah thing is harder than they make it sound in the brochure. 

My First International Experience

     Getting to JFK in New York proved to be quite a pain.  After a 4AM reschedule of my already cancelled flight, I figured I would be ok to get to New York.  I was WRONG!  Due to the cancellations and some unfortunate weather in Atlanta, I missed the second flight.  I had to run to Jet Blue and shell out an additional $320 for a one way direct flight to JFK.  In the end I made it to New York and enjoyed the Jet Blue flight.

     Wow, this EL AL flight is LONG!  Sleeping is extremely difficult.  It is made drastically worse by the two twin babies who have been having a screaming competition in the row in front of me for the last 6 hours.  I can already feel the difference from America.  From seeing men and boys alike meeting to pray in the back of the plane, to the Israeli flight attendants speaking to me in Hebrew.  Security was quite a change too.  The 15 minute interrogation before I was even allowed to check in was a new experience.  They asked a lot of questions about my relationship to my husband.  It was not aggressive though.  It was like a semi-formal conversation. 

     I had an aisle seat on the plane which I hate but I’m making the best of it.  I couldn’t take any fly over pictures but I had some friends on the plane take a few for me.  About an hour before we landed in Israel a calm came over me, a peace of sorts.  It’s a great feeling knowing I’m almost home!